Tainted Hook Up Culture

Guy’s we need to have a real talk. 

Especially the ones ages 15 - 55. I’m talking to the cis male population. Yeah - some of you are really crappy when it comes to speaking to a woman and you’re ruining it for the rest. If you’re not constantly trying to just get in her pants and actually take the time to appreciate their company then the world might actually be a better place. 

Every day another person attempt to get my attention on social media site by doing the same thing. It’s like their not even trying to be creative anymore. They’ve all read some kind of rule book that said this is the way the game is supposed to be played and they decided to go along with it. 

They’ll like your pictures on Instagram then either dm, or tweet, or comment on something on Facebook. It’s always something general then they’ll slowly but surely creep their way into your inbox to try to have a conversation with you. Don’t get me wrong some are meaningless and not everyone is trying to get in your pants.. But when it comes to guys, it’s hard to see them in the innocent until proven guilty light. 

It seems like not a day goes by without someone attempting to “talk” to me. It starts off as simple conversations about general things or interest in something that I’ve spoken about. I attempt to keep the conversation simple and friendly because I’m a outgoing person, I’m not going to live my life thinking everyone that try to approach me have some hidden agenda. 

There are those out there who are actually genuine people looking to network and build connections. 

But when the conversation goes south because they attempt to flirt I just lose all interest. I’m so awkward with conversations. It’s just so repetitive and annoying. You don’t have to go girl to girl telling her the same stupid lines, commenting the same emojis, kissy faces, flirtatious remarks and inboxes of your failed attempts. You don’t have to cat call every women you see in the street.  Like, dude, get your mind right. 

It’s like the women try to be nice and keep the conversations casual but it just doesn’t stop. Then they’ll say something reckless and when you express the disinterest in them, they either get nasty or still keep trying. We’re not obligated to talk to you. At least have the decency to not make things uncomfortable.

It feels like guys just go from message to message hitting up anyone they see on social media sites and make false attempts to get with them. 

I’m just tired it. Don’t message me unless it’s about business.

I’m not looking to be someone’s good time. 

 It’s like no one is never truly yours, it’s just your turn. 

I want to be one man’s wife, their baby mother, their lover, their queen, their everything. I want someone to need me, yearn for my love as equivalently as I yearn for theirs. Like, where is the rush or crushing on, taking them out and actually finding someone special. But love is mysterious. You want the excitement of something new, the sneaking glances, blushing, longer than usual eye contact, flirtatious remarks, courting and dining. But what happens when it’s not as constant as when you first started dating ? What happens when nights out are night in the dark? When you spill your soul to another person, and hope that they will accept you and spill theirs to you. Will you stick around? Or would it only last a few weeks and then when the infatuation wears off, they disappear?  I feel like quick hookups are now so frequent that long term relationships are dying. 

Everyone is looking for the next new excitement - so when the boredom that comes with longevity arises, they run in the other direction. What they fail to realize is that it’s not always boring. It feels good to think about someone, and know that they’re thinking about you too. It feels good to touch someone without questioning if it’s a mistake or wrong move. It feels good to hold their hand whenever without feeling like you’re being too clingy. 

Longer relationships build everlasting bonds. They create impeachable friendship and comfort.  Sure there are slow days, when you don’t want to go outside, and you’ve been together all day so there’s nothing really to talk about... it’s life. But it doesn’t stay that way for ever. As a couple you gain your own customs and routines but your relationship should never feel dreadful because you’re with the person you love to be with. 

I’m sick of dating apps like Tinder, Match, Blackpeoplemeet.com (not that I’ve ever used those). It’s just ruining relationships one swipe at a time. Honestly, guys don’t bother to initiate meaningful conversations anymore - I don’t mean cat calls or inboxing to get the girl attention. I mean asking a girl out, and if she responds yes, then following through to taking her someplace nice. It’s getting to the point where they think just purchasing, and if it doesn’t look like you’re that easy they’re onto the next. 

Social media is really damaging to the way we connect with one another. People barely make phone calls anymore, they usually text or write a message through social media. It’s like some guys think liking all your pictures on instagram or facebook is going to make you open up the cookie jar. 

They comment with their emjoiis and slowly make their way into your inbox, like they’re whispering in your ear. Whispering all these sweet lies and simple nothings. And two DMs down he’s writing the same thing to a different woman or vice versa.  We’ve gone so far downhill from young men asking fathers to take their daughters on a date. ( And before anyone jump on me, I’m saying it in terms of being respectful towards the elders in your family not in the sense to devalue the woman’s right to answer for herself )  

No - I demand to be courted, to enjoy good company, to break bread together instead of just getting into bed.  Let’s leave the phones behind. And no, I don’t mean let’s go the movies. Take me somewhere you’ve never been before or somewhere you love to go to. Going to the movies is so played out for a first date - that should be something only long-term couples do - when will they come up with something new??

Matter of fact, let’s not even get old school. Let me take you out - show you how I like to have fun. 

 Shoot -  I’ll even pay if it doesn’t make you feel like it I’m trying to emasculate you. We can split the bill if that makes you feel better. I feel like guys always think that picking up the bill will increase their chances. Don’t get me wrong, paying is the gentleman thing to do, but that’s only if it doesn’t come with hidden agendas. 

 I’m not looking for someone to take care of me, I can take care of myself. I’m looking for someone to stimulate my mind, to challenge me, and make me think. Someone that will get my heart beating faster by just the sound of their voice and make my body melt by just the touch of their skin. I need someone that will become my best friend, play fight, sing with me or to me, dance randomly in the streets, rub my stomach when it hurts, kiss my forehead when we hug, smile even when you don’t want to and just always fill our days with laughter instead of anger. That person I’d want to run to when I have good or bad news just to have them congratulate or comfort me or vice versa. 

I want passionate love that will hurt like hell to let go of. 

Something you can’t find in fairytales, and your dreams couldn’t compete with the actual feelings. 

Too often you hear things don’t work out because someone got bored. How the hell do you get bored with hanging out with your best friend?